The Dam Has Broken...

It has been almost a month since we knew we would not return to Russia as we had originally planned. With this shocking discovery came many questions, unknowns and uncertainty. We enrolled Gideon in our neighborhood, public school (he is already beginning his 5th week of school and has already learned so many new things!) and began seeking the Lord's new plan for our lives. Over the past 4 weeks, God has given Keith and I an amazing since of peace, contentment and joy. We have seen God work in amazing ways and are learning to love our daily need and dependence on the Lord. I have been amazed and shocked at the joy I have felt during these times of great uncertainty.

We are living in crazy times. We are daily losing money and have no idea what God's plan is for us regarding employment (I am beginning to wonder if it is pushing a shopping cart around with all of our stuff...which now would actually fill a shopping cart!!!)

We have had many struggles and felt a huge sense of loss with this decision...the loss of our identity as missionaries; the loss of regular contact with our dearest friends, teammates, neighbors; the loss of life as we have known it for the past 7 years; the loss of our home, that we loved and all of the stuff that filled it!

One of our biggest questions has been "What will we do with all of our stuff?" This has been a question that we have tried very hard to avoid answering, but now must be addressed. Over the past few days, we have been forced to remember (or at least try to remember) our stuff. I have looked through the posts on our blog "Tour of Our Home" and pictures we have posted over the past 2 1/2 years. This has open the flood gates of memories and tears. Part of me wants to laugh as I look at the exterior of our apartment and think, "Why do I miss this?!?" But as we remember all of the memories, family times, visits from friends, team retreats when every nuke and cranny was filled with a loved one, celebrations, holidays...I want to pack up every last thing, hold onto it and never let it go! However, we must shift through our precious memories of our stuff and try to determine what we need or think we must have...knowing none of it has eternal value and that we must store up our treasures in Heaven!

Many times I have rejoiced that at least I have my family and we are all healthy and happy. However, at the park yesterday, I had a divine appointment with an angel of the Lord...a mom who had lost her 2 year old little girl, only 6 months ago. She shared openly about the struggles she had been through as they discovered her daughter had a rare, genetic disorder that had no treatment and no cure. She shared about the 6 months she spent with her in the Children's Hospital in Texas separated from her husband and other daughter. She shared about the last year of her life as they waited for her daughter to take her last breaths. She shared that even though the vast majority of couples who go through such a tremendous loss divorce, her and her husband were closer now than ever. She shared about the peace and joy the Lord had given her and said, "It has been an amazing experience. We have seen the Lord do miracle after miracle and even though He did not save our little girl, I would do it all over again!" I wept and she glowed with joy!

I weep even as I write this post...really to myself, to serve as a reminder of God's goodness, but hopefully also as an encouragement to others. God is truly amazing and I will rejoice no matter what our circumstances...with or without our stuff!!!

Please continue to pray for us as we seek the Lord!