When I discovered that I was pregnant, I read books, listened to lots of advice, attended Lamaze and Parenting Classes, but no one told me that having a baby would make me feel as if I was living life with my heart running free. No one told me that when one of my kids felt pain, so would I. No one mentioned that when my child is bullied or made fun of, I would want vengeance. No one said when my child was late for school, forgot an assignment or failed a class, that I would feel like a failure.
It is easy to encourage a friend that everything will workout for good, that God will meet all their needs and to try and minimize a problem by reminding them that it could be worse. I know and am very thankful that God is in charge, has a perfect will and that He makes no mistakes. I know that there can be no highs without lows, no joy without sorrow and no growth without struggle. However, it doesn’t make it easier to walk through a trial when it is your heart that is being tested.
Since 2008, Gideon has been tested, questioned, evaluated, analyzed, graded, ranked. For the most part he seems to have enjoyed the journey. He has surpassed many expectations and succeeded in areas that were previously questioned. Gideon has grown…and so have I.
This week, we began Phase 428 of the journey…an Auditory Processing Disorder. Gideon has not changed. His abilities have not decreased. His difficulties have not increased. So, why am I having such a hard time?
Please pray for Gideon, the Speech Therapist, his teacher and classmates…and me. Pray that God would give wisdom, peace, patience and perseverance.
If you have known me for any length of time at all, you know that you do not have to wonder what I am feeling or even thinking. I am full of emotion and an very transparent. Recently, I have been faced with a struggle that I have yet to find the words to verbalize. It consumes my thoughts and has even zapped my energy. I have been on edge and on the verge of tears frequently lately.
I go to the local version of Wal-Mart, Lenta, weekly. I must stop associating it with Wal-Mart, because it is simply not Wal-Mart. There is no door greeter, fabulous return policy, friendly employees and definitely NO Diet Dr. Pepper! The customer service at Lenta is consistently horrible…I once asked an employee if she could tell me what the difference between two hair products was and she replied, “How would I know, read it for yourself!?!” I wanted to reply, “IF I COULD READ IT I WOULD NOT NEED TO ASK FOR YOUR HELP!!!”
Today, my mission was to find Emme a ballet costume. I found two options, but clothes in Russia are rarely in the simple American sizes. After dropping a jar of cream of mushroom soup covering my shoes in mushroom pieces, I asked the cashier if I could return the leotards if they did not fit. She had no clue! She eventually agreed to call her manager, who proceeded in informing me that what I was wanting to purchase was a leotard. I tried to reply kindly, but failed tremendously, when I said, “I know what it is, I want to know if I can return it if it does not fit!!!!!” She did not know either and after calling 14 different people, including the President of Lenta, said that I could return the leotard, but not the tights!
I purchased the leotards and tights, filled my bags with groceries, leaving 2 things behind because they could not find them in their system, and cried all the way home.
I will eventually post about my most recent struggle when I finally find the words that match my ever changing emotions…please pray for our family as we continue to adjust, grow and seek God’s direction in all that we do.