On the first day of Spring, I felt colder than I had all Winter. My bones are froze and it seems as if my heart has grow cold as well. The last few weeks and even months have been filled with trails I don’t want to fight and burdens I don’t want to carry. I want to rejoice, but joy seems lost. I want to forgive, but can’t seem to let go. I want to move on, but my feet feel stuck. I want to go for coffee and pour out my soul, but feel so alone. Everyone is either so far away, busy or carring heavy loads of their own.
I did not realize how angry I have become and how much hope I have placed in a change of scenery. Over the last few weeks my motto has become…Everything will be better when we get to Turkey!!! The problem is…it is not.
Yesterday was filled with numerous struggles {My FB Status from yesterday…The lack of electricity this morning [seriously getting ready for a trip in the dark!!!], the freezing taxi, standing in the cold waiting just to enter into the airport, the misleading breakfast advertisement, the non-stop chattering will not get to me because in just 6 hours we will be 68 degrees warmer!!! Good-bye Russia...hello Turkey!!!}. We received a grey, rainy and cold welcome, a minor discrepancy with the taxi driver, a major one with our hotel and even the Hot Tub feels cold. I totally had a melt down and spent the rest of the night feeling horrible.
Please pray for me! Please pray that I would want to embrace the promises of the Bible; that I would fully trust God with even my biggest fears; that my worry would be laid at the feet of a God who has a fabulous plan for my family; that even in my most difficult struggle…I would rejoice…truly be filled with joy; that I would really love those who I would rather hate; that I would be able to let go of that which I can not change or that which is not mine to carry.
Pray the Turkish sun would warm my body and soul. On Monday, we join our colleagues from all over Europe. Pray that I would hear from God and be made new.
No comments:
Post a Comment