Struggling…

So thankful for my family!!! I am so emotional...often feel like I live on an emotional roller-coaster. Occasionally my emotions totally get the best of me and I often base my decisions on emotions. I am thankful for a polar opposite husband!!!

Last year was a super hard year full of hurt, conflict and tension.  I want to grow, learn, love, share and be challenged, but so often my emotions stand in my way.  After a fun, relaxing, restful Christmas vacation, I was ready to return to Russia and start fresh.  A new vision, exciting possibilities, a thankful heart, soon got over take with the brutal temps, dark days and unresolved tension from last year. 

One way I have managed to stay in Russia for 10+ years has been to cling to the wisdom of a fellow colleague during our first term… “Burn your boat!”  Don’t contemplate an exit strategy…when things get tough, stick it out, work through it. 

During an overly emotional week dealing with Gid’s struggles and tears, in addition to my own…I did it.  I started contemplating greener grass…even dead grass would be better than piles of snow and freezing temps!!!  In less than 24 hours, I had built a fabulous new life for us…sunny days, cute house with a bath tub, a yard full of green grass and flowers, a window seat, front porch with a swing, a gorgeous view, smiling faces, no need for thermals, layers, hats, gloves.  I was super excited and confident, in my emotions, that it was a perfect plan. 

The minute Keith open his eyes the next morning, I told him every emotional detail.  How our life would be so much better…and on…and on…and on.  After I had shared my very detailed plan, I anxiously awaited his reply.  He had only one word…NO.  He presented his very logical, fact based reasons why my plan, at this time, would not become our reality.

After recovering from the shock that God may not be leading us to greener grass or any grass at all, I spent the morning with my super-fun {and super-honest} friend learning how to Face Our Giants.  Then, Keith took the kids on an adventure giving me the rest of the day to rest, pray, read, deal with my emotions and burn my boat. 

I am thankful for friends who make me laugh when I want to cry, my fabulous family who give me the desire to persevere when I want to give up and a husband who balances my emotions with fact and logic!!! Please pray that I would be wise, even when full of emotions and God would make our path clear and renew my desires for His will.  Pray this year I would find forgiveness, joy and a love for the frozen Motherland!!!