This month I have spent studying Gideon...not my son, but the famous one in the Bible! I had reached a point in my life where change was the only option. I had become angry and bitter and it was impacting every area of my life. God used the life of Gideon, joined me in my anger and walked with me through it. Every morning was a new adventure, a new lesson, another opportunity to let go of the past, find joy in the day and trust Jesus with all the rest.
I love planning, contemplating options, weighing pros and cons, controlling and calendaring the future. In my anger, I stopped being able to find joy in the gifts God has given me. I began to think...12 years is a long time to serve God, to be away from family, to live in a tiny apartment, etc.. I wanted different, better, more, bigger. I dream of living in a yellow house, with a white swing on my wraparound porch. I want to dig in flower beds, mow the grass, watch the kids play in the yard, have coffee with the neighbors, and grow roots. I really wanted to make plans, live my dream and spend time doing what I want...while praying God would join me and bless it all.
One morning, I read Romans 1 and claimed verses 10-13 {when Paul wrote to the Romans rejoicing that soon he would be able to visit them!} as a personal word from the Lord. I immediately went to Keith with my “word from the Lord” and my new found “permission” to leave Russia, move back to the states, buy an RV and road-school {I had no idea there was even such a thing!} our kids. As I spent the next few days researching RV, road-schooling curriculum, fun destinations and travel routes across America, I am confident Keith was pleading with God to help show me the errors in my hermeneutics!!!
Through this journey with Gideon {the famous one}, I have identified stumbling blocks in my life, experienced God's mercy and forgiveness, been able to acknowledge who I am in Christ {a masterpiece!}, rejoiced in knowing he has already prepared a fabulous plan for me and rested in the fact that my weaknesses are actually my greatest assets thanks to God! I have been able to see anew the precious gift of life he has given me and can begin to relax and celebrate that he has me right where he wants me for today…and can trust him to make future plans clear to me.
Maybe some day we will buy a yellow house with a porch swing or an RV and travel across America, but today, I will simply rejoice that he died, so I can live...no matter where my address maybe!
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